November 7th
So I stopped drinking caffeine, smoking weed, and taking my meds. I stopped caffeine Nov 2nd and I’ve been so tired throughout the day but I heard it gets way better. I stopped smoking weed some time last week and I still have urges to smoke weed but I immediately remember that I will not get anything done and I’ll be less productive. I do plan on smoking weed but not as much as I used to, maybe like once a week or two. I saw a photo of me on my sister’s story today and my self esteem went down and now I’m just in a down mood. Overall, today was a good day until the afternoon. Hoping for a better ending to my day tomorrow.
Read December 7th, February 7th, and April 7th
Day 1 : November 3rd
READ DECEMBER 1ST
Hello! I don’t know how to start this but what’s up future me. :D There’s this guy named Dorian and he just started. He’s really cute… like really cute but I don’t know if he’s into me or not. But I really do believe that he’s straight I think. He is talking to a girl right now from what I’ve heard. But I don’t know because some of the things he does makes me overthink. He’s also 20 which is way too young… unfortunately but I’m just like what if we were friends for a long time. I hate this because I’m coming up with crazy scenarios that he might… Weird I know. I think Ashley and Dexter know but they might not but that’s okay. Also, it’s work so you need to put it to the side because it’s work be professional. It’s not a playground unfortunately😭😭 Man i just WISH 🤣 Anyway, are you cool with Emerson now? I hate boys so much. I literally hate interacting with them especially the STRAIGHT MEN. 🙄 ALSO not me giving Rom hugs all the time now that I’m thinking how weird that was. How’s no smoking weed? Hopefully you really stopped because NOV 3rd Scotty thinks it’s taking a tole on my mental health and making me feel lazy. I just checked my notifications and tell me why I got a bumble match ✋🙄🤣 His name is Morgan and he’s 23. Really cute but I don’t do well with matches on apps :) Literally kill me right? Just got distracted thinking about Dorian and the time I changed the song mid way… weird I know. Anyway I’m glad I got a match with somebody because it COULD be a distraction from Dorian at the moment or foreverrrrr. I really want to be friends with Emerson kinda actually. I don’t know he’s very nice but not my vibe of person. Hopefully you start day trading everyday and doing well in your class. Read this December 1st
MP really is a great guy but I don’t want to overthink this and ruin our friendship. So I’m gonna have to come to terms that there’s nothing else.
Woke up this morning not being on my phone which felt pretty great. I did wake up this morning thinking about what happened at nacho night but it had me thinking that I think about that situation a lot because it’s something interesting that’s going on in my life that I wasn’t expecting at all.
What I’m starting to do is type out my thoughts when I have something on my mind to help me release any bad energy I’m feeling at the moment. Right now, I’m trying to be myself with confidence without thinking about what other people think.
Today wasn’t that bad
Dear Michael,
I don’t know how I feel about all of this and I think me nagging out with you is hurting me inside me. With me when I have an interest in somebody and I know it won’t work out, I try to be the best friend there is because I can’t have you romantically, I’ll have the best damn friendship there is. It always turns south when I try this but in this case it’s not bad, it’s not bad at all. Which I guess freighters me because I’ve never really had to deal with this. This is overwhelming especially with the a little bit of romantic feelings I still have roaming through my head. It’ll never be but I am grateful to have such a great friend I can tell anything to without being judged and for that I’ll will always be there for you no matter what. One day these romantic feelings will go away eventually but our friendship won’t.
a year and a half ago i fell out of touch with my ex best friend/roommate and things took a toll for the worse. it all started when she couldn’t pay rent because she lost her job due to covid. i started to fall off the wagon of paying my bills on time and got behind. when this was happening, i had a dental appointment for cleaning and got the job done but a few days later i got a message from the dentist office saying my insurance denied and realized my mom canceled dental coverage. i freaked out and didn’t know what to do so i ignored it, i was going to get it all taken care of eventually and i am but it’s coming back to haunt me faster than i expected. i mean you live and you learn and you reap what you sow, i guess. i’m also behind on paying my car and property tax bills but by the end of next week, i should be clear and back in my feet. there’s always a light at the end of the runner no matter how long the tunnel is.
i saw the signs. i saw the signs that made me have hope for something more than what it is now. i ignored those signs for a bit then they kept coming back. i had control over my feelings when i ignored them the first time but then i come back and got let down. i let my thoughts and emotions get mixed in with it and now i have this negative headspace. why? why give off signs. me trying to come up with every solution as to why you thought it was okay to be giving signs off like that. is it because i was just very welcoming and very pleasant? the signs don’t add up to that. all in all i hurt myself and i’m used to that so the wounds will heal so fuck you WITH THIS BULLSHIT. goodbye
recoversuggestions:
you’re allowed to have emotions that aren’t positive!!! you’re allowed to feel angry or jealous or sad or frustrated or annoyed. emotions are normal and healthy, but it’s up to you to decide what to do with them.
